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The Moon tonight

24 Wednesday Jan 2024

Posted by ag1970 in Uncategorized

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astrology, full-moon, moon, night, photography

Photo by Susan B-H

When I was little, we had a reflecting telescope that we’d set up in the back yard of our home on Huasna Road, before the city lights crept east to obscure the sky. You don’t mind the cold when you can see the lips of craters or the jagged mountain-tops on a Moon that wouldn’t be visited for five more years.

I’ve written, too, about getting home from long trips—say, to Dad’s nephew John in Glendale or to his mother Dora, in a Bakersfield rest home– climbing wearily out of Dad’s 1958 Oldsmobile 88, and the Gregory kids staring, open-mouthed, at the vastness of the Milky Way above us.

Elizabeth and I bought a ’78 Westphalia VW bus, with the pop-top roof, and I miss it so much because camping overnight at Lopez with our boys reminded me of how beautiful the stars are.

And tonight, it’s moon-bright with scudding clouds, which I discovered while taking out the recycling. How mundane. But then. since I love history so much, I thought about these things.




The Northern Chumash, the yak titʸu titʸu yak tiłhini (ytt) people, take their name from the Moon. They were sophisticated astronomers. The time has just passed, the Solstice, when they prayed fervently and sang songs that urged the sun to return, and it always did, which meant that steelhead trout likewise would return and so would mule deer and jackrabbits, and so, too would the oaks—old even then—as they began again to drop the acorns that became the bread of the ytt people. Maybe their prayers sounded like these ytt people from three hundred years later:

In 1862, Francis Branch rode hard from San Francisco to Arroyo Grande on receiving word that his little girls were sick. He might have seen a moon like tonight’s on that ride. By the time he arrived at Rancho Santa Manuela, in the Upper Valley, exhausted even for a man of his energy, three of his girls were dead. They are buried next to him. If the Moon had been anything like tonight’s on that ride south, he would never see it on nights like tonight without missing his daughters.

The Moon wasn’t like tonight’s at all on Wednesday, March 31, 1886. That would have suited the men with handkerchiefs over their faces fine, because their work was done best in the dark. That was the night they lynched a father and son, suspected killers, from the Pacific Coast Railway Bridge over Arroyo Grande Creek, near the foot of Crown Hill. Schoolchildren found the bodies the next day—April Fool’s Day—as they walked to school.

Buffalo, New York, April 2, 188

But the Moon would’ve been this bright on the night of December 7, 1941—it was 93% illuminated—as it is tonight. Little boys that night might have seen Japanese attack planes in the shapes of the scudding clouds, and they would have seen their imaginary foes easily everything else was was so dark. The blackout had been announced, with the same terrifying urgency as 1938’s radio broadcast of War of the Worlds, and then the Pacific Coast stations, including San Luis Obispo’s KVEC, went off the air. For little boys, what made that night terrifying is that the only inside light came from the big family radio’s hot vacuum tubes with their brightness creeping out from the shutters in the big radio’s cabinet, the only light in a darkened home. At the same time, the only sound, for a family deep in shock from the news, came from radio announcers, who were saying that enemy planes, phalanxes of them now, were headed for San Francisco.

If you, as a little boy, went outside your darkened home, you could wait for them to appear, which they finally did, if only in your imagination, and they were vivid there, in the guttural rumble of a thousand Mitsubishi 14-cylinder engines, as they turned in vast squadrons, one to the north, the other to the south, to devastate the big cities of you’d known, San Francisco and Los Angeles, on family trips in the big Ford your father drove.

Jack Scruggs, who grew up in Arroyo Grande, was the USS Arizona’s trombonist. As the band prepared to play the National Anthem, the concussions from these explosions off Arizona’s stern killed him. The great ship blew up after a direct hit forward about twelve minutes later.

And so that Moon has come back to me tonight. We are in no less danger tonight than we were on the night of December 7. Evil forces intend to harm us, capitalizing on the very real fear that our government has abandoned us. We are in no less danger tonight than we were on the night after the December 7 attack or in the morning dark when the cannonade of Fort Sumter began in April 1861.

But in my momentary pause to regard the Moon tonight, in perfect silence, as Whitman once wrote, brought me comfort. Its brilliance will never leave us. Now it’s time to understand that we can never leave each other, even if our affection for each others waxes and wanes as surely as does the Moon.

Francis Branch’s America had already come apart by the late summer of 1862, when he learned about the smallpox that threatened his little girls. What he needed to focus was beyond politics, he was instead fixed on the road ahead in the dark ahead. His horse’s breathing was labored and his own breath would have struggled to keep up with his effort. He had to fight the pain in his back and his thighs and in the soles of his feet, trapped in their stirrups. He was riding hard to come home, in the light the Moon offered him, to the people he loved.


The greatest-ever film theme. Ever ever.

23 Tuesday Jan 2024

Posted by ag1970 in Film and Popular Culture

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I am sorry, “Moon River” and “The Days of Wine and Roses” and “The Theme from Shaft” AND the Lawrence of Arabia theme. It’s this one, and it can’t even settle on a name. Is it “The Kiss” (it was a humdinger, in the movie) or “The Gael” or is it “Promontory” or is it simply “The Theme from Last of the Mohicans?” I don’t know and it doesn’t matter The melody comes from a Scots songwriter, Dougie McLean, and it was adopted for the 1993 Daniel Day-Lewis film, ever so much better than Fenimore Cooper’s, book by Trevor Jones and Randy Edelman. It brought out both the Irish and the Lowland Scots in me.

There have been so many treatments. Let’s start with a lone piper:

But, heck, why settle for ONE piper when a BUNCH will do? Here are the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards, and you get views of breathtakingly beautiful Scotland. You should not be overly fond of trees, you understand. Cliffs and gorse and heather and the occasional stag the size of an Indian elephant and seaside towns with doorways painted bright red and the smell of beached kelp. That’s more what Scotland’s like. And, if you feel the need to punch out Edward Longshanks, the second, shorter video features pipers at the William Wallace memorial at Bannockburn.

Here we go:


Jenny O’Connor is also called “The Hot Violinist,” which makes me sad, because she is also gifted, and the film’s theme is ideal for the violin


But, true, the same principle goes for violins as it does for bagpipes. Why not a bunch of violins?

Wait! We need more strings! Maybe a cello? The Noricum Group:

A Native American flute. Lovely:



WAIT! Where are the flippin’ DRUMS? Well, for a semi-terrifying take on the theme, here’s Clanadonia:

Whoa. I think I need to chill a little after this version. Let’s try the Prague Film Orchestra:



You may disagree with me on the theme, but the fact remains that the film is far better than the book could ever be. If you doubt that, let me quote from Mark Twain’s delightfully wicked essay, “Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses:”

There are nineteen rules governing literary art in the domain of romantic fiction—some say twenty-two. In Deerslayer Cooper violated eighteen of them. These eighteen require:

1. That a tale shall accomplish something and arrive somewhere. But the Deerslayer tale accomplishes nothing and arrives in the air.

2. They require that the episodes of a tale shall be necessary parts of the tale, and shall help to develop it. But as the Deerslayer tale is not a tale, and accomplishes nothing and arrives nowhere, the episodes have no rightful place in the work, since there was nothing for them to develop.

3. They require that the personages in a tale shall be alive, except in the case of corpses, and that always the reader shall be able to tell the corpses from the others. But this detail has often been overlooked in the Deerslayer tale.

4. They require that the personages in a tale, both dead and alive, shall exhibit a sufficient excuse for being there. But this detail also has been overlooked in the Deerslayer tale.

5. They require that when the personages of a tale deal in conversation, the talk shall sound like human talk, and be talk such as human beings would be likely to talk in the given circumstances, and have a discoverable meaning, also a discoverable purpose, and a show of relevancy, and remain in the neighborhood of the subject in hand, and be interesting to the reader, and help out the tale, and stop when the people cannot think of anything more to say. But this requirement has been ignored from the beginning of the Deerslayer tale to the end of it.

6. They require that when the author describes the character of a personage in his tale, the conduct and conversation of that personage shall justify said description. But this law gets little or no attention in the Deerslayer tale, as Natty Bumppo’s case will amply prove.

7. They require that when a personage talks like an illustrated, gilt-edged, tree-calf, hand-tooled, seven-dollar Friendship’s Offering in the beginning of a paragraph, he shall not talk like a negro minstrel in the end of it. But this rule is flung down and danced upon in the Deerslayer tale.

8. They require that crass stupidities shall not be played upon the reader as “the craft of the woodsman, the delicate art of the forest,” by either the author or the people in the tale. But this rule is persistently violated in the Deerslayer tale.

9. They require that the personages of a tale shall confine themselves to possibilities and let miracles alone; or, if they venture a miracle, the author must so plausibly set it forth as to make it look possible and reasonable. But these rules are not respected in the Deerslayer tale.

10. They require that the author shall make the reader feel a deep interest in the personages of his tale and in their fate; and that he shall make the reader love the good people in the tale and hate the bad ones. But the reader of the Deerslayer tale dislikes the good people in it, is indifferent to the others, and wishes they would all get drowned together.

11. They require that the characters in a tale shall be so clearly defined that the reader can tell beforehand what each will do in a given emergency. But in the Deerslayer tale this rule is vacated.

In addition to these large rules there are some little ones. These require that the author shall:

12. Say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.

13. Use the right word, not its second cousin.

14. Eschew surplusage.

15. Not omit necessary details.

16. Avoid slovenliness of form.

17. Use good grammar.

18. Employ a simple and straightforward style.

Here’s the final scene from the film. The big mace is wielded by Russell Means (above), an Oglala Sioux activist who led the occupation of Alcatraz and Wounded Knee to make his people visible again.


The theme is also featured in the stunning opening scene. The animal’s death is heart-breaking, but the foot chase, and the tribute Means delivers at the hunt’s conclusion, ring true.

The “bad guy,” Magua, is played by the Cherokee actor Wes Studi, a favorite of mine. After this film came out, I saw Studi on PBS’s Reading Rainbow. He was reading a Native American version of “Cinderella,” a story that in different forms in many cultures. The children were transported by Studi’s skill and looked at him in utter and silent admiration. And affection.

Good stories live in children’s minds, and sometimes in adults’ as well, no matter how much damage the writer might do them. Good songs, I think, have that same immortality.

How my mind works…

14 Sunday Jan 2024

Posted by ag1970 in Uncategorized

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Evelyn Nesbit. Femme Fatale.

If you thought that something prurient was going to follow, you are wrong. Got your attention, though, right? And we shall return to Evelyn in just a moment. And yes, she was lovely, That was the problem.

I used to show, in my AP European History class, several episodes of The Day the Universe Changed, from the 1980s, narrated by English science historian James Burke, and this is why: He thinks like me. I am nowhere near that bright, but a typical episode of Day would take the viewer inside a French teaching hospital and then to Philadelphia, where Benjamin Franklin more or less invented hospitals, then to London laid low by cholera (the Thames stank so badly that Parliament’s window shades were soaked in lime chloride and then lowered), then to William Farr and the invention of London’s system of intercepting sewers and then to the Victorian mania for clean water (European spas) and for Victorian manly sport at British public schools and then you were back at the French hospital. He then tied the package. All these disparate events were connected. In fact, Burke who, thank God, is still with us, had an earlier show with that precise name: Connections.

Burke would stop only occasionally, to make himself a cuppa tea.



I think I enjoyed him so much because I recognized a kindred mind. And, mind, I am NOT saying that I’m as smart as James Burke. What I’m saying instead is that I think like him. I am not and never have been a linear thinker, moving from point A to point Z while shattering all the letters in between to finish my quest. Nossir. Nossirreebob.

I think laterally: I start with point A and that reminds me of something that happened to point Q—oh, and do you know that points Q and D are first cousins? and then to point R, because R was D’s tutor when she was a little girl. Eventually, we get to point Z and (most of the time) we finish our quest. But, if my mind were a Greyhound bus, it’d be a local, not an express. There are too many stops to make and things to see before I get to my destination.

Or, to put it another way, if my mind were a street, it’d be Lombard in San Francisco.



Allow me to use an example. Ahem:



Yesterday I read a friend’s post that cited the West Los Angeles Veterans’ Hospital. I remembered that it was once called the Sawtelle (after the boulevard) Veterans’ Home. Two of Arroyo Grande’s Civil War veterans, Medal of Honor awardee Otis Smith and Morris Denham, whose home still stands on Ide Street, were patients there–as were many other South County veterans–but they were called “inmates,” which gives you an idea of how they were treated. “Prunes, toast and tea,” one of them sighed. “I know exactly what they’ll give us for dinner.”




But Sawtelle looked beautiful because it was designed by the superb American architect Stanford White.

Superb American architect Stanford White was a creep.

He did what we might call a “Bill Cosby” on up-and-coming model and showgirl Evelyn Nesbit. That is, he drugged and raped her. He was 48. She was sixteen. She would go on the become the archetypal “Gibson Girl.” White would go on to become richer and famouser. And deader.

Nesbit later married the mercurial Harry Thaw. Both Thaw and White were attending a 1906 show at White’s Madison Square Garden. During the song “I Could Love a Million Girls,” Thaw, after bellowing “YOU RUINED MY WIFE!” shot White three times at point-blank range.

Ruined, ruined, ruined.



White died. Thaw went to prison. Good for them.


Evelyn lived to be 82, by which time I don’t know that she’d learned anything more about men than she’d known when she was sixteen.



And eighteen years after the murder at Madison Square Garden, my grandmother was a delegate to the Democratic National Convention, held inside the Garden in sweltering heat. Unless she had the good luck to find a bathtub full of ice, she would’ve had the chance to hear young Franklin Roosevelt, struck down by paralysis at Campobello, make his comeback by placing Alfred E. Smith’s name in nomination.

Smith didn’t win the nomination that year, but he did in 1928 and ran against Hoover. Smith was Catholic, which produced a bigoted anti-Smith campaign button, and favored repeal of Prohibition, a plank on the 1928 platform that produced the most salacious campaign button in American history. The button didn’t work, of course, Hoover won what turned out to be, thanks to the October 1929 Crash, the booby prize.





So four years earlier my Ozark Plateau grandmother had fought against the nomination of Smith and for the nomination of a compromise nonentity, John W. Davis, a man so conservative that thirty years later, he argued against Brown v. Board before the Supreme Court. He lost in 1924, and to the effervescent Calvin Coolidge, who had stop taking rocking-chair naps on the White House portico because tourists thought he was dead.

Grandma Gregory got her way, after 103 ballots and twelve days—the longest political convention in American history, in the un-air-conditioned Madison Square Garden of Stanford White.

Nominee Davis wrote this thank-you note just before losing the general election. And so the debauchery of government continued, although certainly not on the scale of recent years.


Exterior and interior of Madison Square Garden, 1920s; FDR delivers his nominating speech.

Maybe Grandma Gregory knew about the Stanford White story, but she would have no use for him, anyway. And not because he was immoral*, but because he designed a hospital for Yankees. She never let a week go by, I’d bet, to remind folks that she was the granddaughter of this Confederate general, James H. McBride, for whom I am named.

And so, here we are, right back where we started, at the Civil War.

*However, she was Church of Christ. St. Peter was showing a newcomer around Heaven when he suddenly shushed the lucky arrival. “Why do we need to be quiet?” the newcomer asked. “This is the Church of Christ section,” Peter replied, “and they think they’re the only ones here.”

January 12, 1969: Why history–and sports–matter

12 Friday Jan 2024

Posted by ag1970 in Uncategorized

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Namath exits the field, Super Bowl III

Jan. 12, 1969: Joe Namath’s New York Jets defeat Johnny Unitas’s Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III.

Young people, this was an “8” on the football Richter Scale. AFL teams–the Chiefs and the Raiders–had been humiliated by the NFL’s Green Bay Packers in the first two Super Bowls, in the olden days, before the leagues merged.

Now it was the NFL’s Baltimore Colts’ turn to humiliate the upstart AFL team, the New York Jets.

The Colts were led by Johnny Unitas, so old-school that he still wore high-top cleats (this pair sold for $6,000). If they had a Mr Rushmore (Perish the thought. Leave the Black Hills alone!) for quarterbacks, Johnny U. would be on it.

The Jets were led by a kid who’d played ball at Alabama for Bear Bryant–Forrest Gump’s coach– but had left all that behind for the Bright Lights and Big City. Willie Joe Namath liked New York City, liked to party.

His Jets were 19 1/2 point underdogs.

Namath predicted that they would beat Johnny U and the Colts. Guffaws followed.

But he was right. Final score: Jets 16, Colts 7.

You might think: What about the Jets’ defense? But if you look at the statistics, the two teams are nearly identical in offensive stats, from yards gained to first downs to time of possession.

The stat that stands out to me, admittedly no expert? Average yards gained per pass: Unitas’ was 4.4 yards. Namath’s average was 7.1 yards.

Namath threw the ball like a dart thrower. Shallow windup, violent downswing and–zip!–a spiral that resembled a 30.06 bullet exiting its rifle barrel. (Kenny Stabler and John Elway had similar deliveries.)

He was throwing darts that day.

He was throwing darts on this day in history, on January 12, 1969.

Joe, as was his right, became a superstar. He grew a Fu Manchu mustache and shaved it off for $10,000 for a TV commercial. He posed with Ann-Margaret for a motorcycle flick. (He wasn’t a very good actor.) He had a thing for fur coats. Still does.

Today he’s a grandfather of six and kind of a parody because of those those Social Security spots (those people are sharks, by the way). But I can’t help but look, during those ads, at how his fingers are bent and arthritic and I remember, in his last years, as a Ram, that watching him enter and exit the field was a visual ordeal.


Football had destroyed his body.

But here’s the thing: That cheerful guy you see on those stupid commercials? I think that’s the way he is in real life. He is now a six-times-over grandfather, and my hunch is that he gets down on the floor to play with those kids even though it takes him forever to get back up.

Party animal, sex symbol, TV huckster, all of that’s true. None of it captures him. Throwing darts at Emerson Boozer out of the backfield or playing video games with his grandkids are truer pictures.

Hall of Famer. That might be the truest of all. But his Hall of Fame bust takes second place to this plaque in his hometown, Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania, pop. 8,900 in 2023, near oilfields like the ones my mother’s Irish ancestors worked during their time in Pennsylvania in the 1870s.



We had only about ten weeks left, in 1969, after that game, before we lost Mom.

But Super Bowl III was about hope, not loss. Something happened that only happened consistently in Frank Capra movies: the underdogs won.

That must be why I’m a fan.

Bluegrass is in my DNA, I guess…

07 Sunday Jan 2024

Posted by ag1970 in Family history, Film and Popular Culture

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My great-grandfather Taylor Wilson, my grandfather John Smith Gregory, my father Robert Wilson Gregory

There are few things pleasanter to my ears than the combination of guitar, fiddle, mandolin and banjo. Throw in a standup bass and I am transported. I guess I love these instruments and bluegrass music because there’s a little of it in my DNA. There’s physical distance between the Appalachians and the Ozarks, but bluegrass puts them close together, on either side of a split-rail fence. I found two family groups–the Brandenbergers, whom I think are Mennonite (there are many in Missouri) and the Petersens, who do pop tunes as well as bluegrass. The lyrics will appear if you hit the “cc” button at the bottom of the frame. So pull up a chair…



“Maple on the Hill” sounds like one of those songs that might’ve come from the British Isles and then got transmuted in the hills of America:

Here, of course, coming from a devout family, is a little Gospel, a song that would’ve been sung in so many country churches.

The Petersen Family is sparkly clean and the girls are lovely and pristine. This disturbed me immensely until they started to sing. This is a another beautiful old Gospel hymn. I need to add one more instrument to the ones above: The slide guitar. The young man on the right is marvelous. The little girl on the mandolin finds her voice in the song’s final third, and she’s marvelous, too.

The same young man also has a sweet voice, and the mandolin player evokes Irish keening near this song’s end. It’s an example of them sampling pop music, in this case, the song’s from Coldplay.

Just one more. Winter’s Bone, about the meth epidemic that’s poisoned the Ozarks, would’ve been bleak without Jennifer Lawrence, indomitable and daring. And she’s like a teenaged earth mother to her little brother and sister. This was her breakout role as Ree, the daughter of a dealer who’s vanished. Marideth Sisco sings “Little Sparrow” (aka “Fair and Tender Ladies”) in this brief excerpt from the film:

And here’s Sisco with Blackberry Winter, performing the song in its entirety:


And here are the lyrics to the song, so evocative of the heartbreak common to Hill People—and to women everywhere.

Come all ye fair and tender ladies
Take warning how you court your men
They’re like a star on a summer morning
They first appear and then they’re gone

They’ll tell to you some loving story
And they’ll make you think that they love you well
And away they’ll go and court some other
And leave you there in grief to dwell

I wish I was on some tall mountain
Where the ivy rocks were black as ink
I’d write a letter to my false true lover
Whose cheeks are like the morning pink

I wish I was a little sparrow
And I had wings to fly so high
I’d fly to the arms of my false true lover
And when he’d ask, I would deny

Oh love is handsome, love is charming
And love is pretty while it’s new
But love grows cold as love grows older
And fades away like morning dew


Watching the TV in Arroyo Grande, California, 1956

07 Sunday Jan 2024

Posted by ag1970 in Arroyo Grande, Film and Popular Culture

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Which goes a long way toward explaining why I am so…whatever.



The U.S. Navy and the South County

05 Friday Jan 2024

Posted by ag1970 in Arroyo Grande, Uncategorized

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The battleships Nevada and Oklahoma in the 1920s

Random Thoughts on the 2023 bowl games…

02 Tuesday Jan 2024

Posted by ag1970 in Uncategorized

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Random Bowl thoughts from the Sports Desk…

…Of course, the highlight for me was MIZZOU’S (my Alma Mater and niece Becky’s) victory over OHIO STATE in the COTTON BOWL, 14-3…Missouri RB Cody Schrader (photo above) may be the NCAA’s best Unknown Running Back, the elusive little rascule…He still carries tacklers with him for a few more yards after he’s hit…He doesn’t go down easily, which is how I feel about KALE…

…Is is just me, or does the ROSE BOWL not seem the same without a Pac-12 (or whatever the conference will be called) team playing?…

…Embarrassing Bowls: ORANGE BOWL, 63-3, GEORGIA; SUN BOWL, 40-8 NOTRE DAME…Out of common decency, I will omit the names of the losing teams…

…Wouldn’t Tony the Tiger be a better match for the SUGAR BOWL?…And why does Goodyear sponsor the COTTON BOWL?… Is there a Cotton Blimp?…

…Wanted both teams to lose: ROSE BOWL (It’s the head coaches, including John Harbaugh’s Evil Twin, Skippy)…

..Still mad at TEXAS from the 2005 ROSE BOWL (they defeated USC) and there was then-QB Vince Young during the SUGAR BOWL. His beard was gray…Also on the Texas sideline was actor Matthew McConaughey, who was NOT nude in the film “Failure to Launch;” that was formers STEELERS QB Terry Bradshaw instead…


…SNAIL DARTER AWARD for WASHINGTON QB Michael Penix for throwing it under around and through Texas’ secondary…He had over 400 passing yards, and the last QB to do that was LSU QB Joe Burrows, now playing (injured) for the BENGALS…I will tolerate no Penix puns in this space…

..While we’re on that topic, LIBERTY UNIVERSITY, aka Falwell U., lost in a most satisfying way to OREGON in the FIESTA BOWL…

…Made you want to cry: The obvious pain on WASHINGTON RB Dillon Johnson’s face after his fourth-quarter injury in the SUGAR BOWL…This stopped the clock and gave Texas more time to lose…Still, it’s nice to see the LONGHORNS near the top again after years of aimless cattle drives…


…OLE MISS was clearly the better team (PENN STATE) in the PEACH BOWL…Was it time to ditch the REBELS team name?…YAYESS, says this namesake of two Confederates…Is it true that they are now the LANDSHARKS?…Affirmative…

…Cue the song “Thriller” for the ROSE, SUGAR, the stupidly- named RELIAQUEST and the GATOR bowls, all close games…

…By the way, in the BRAND-NEW WOK BOWL, I made a most satisfying stir-fry with Filipino noodles, shrimp and veggies…

…The National Championship? It’s big, punishing, physical MICHIGAN against quick-strike WASHINGTON…The WOLVERINES might just wear down the HUSKIES, especially their defensive line…But I’m still pulling for WASHINGTON, where my father-in-law Gail played…I’m hoping for a game that resembles YODA vs. PALPATINE…

–30–

Roy V. Gregory, 1918-1945

31 Sunday Dec 2023

Posted by ag1970 in Family history, Uncategorized

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Cotton Bowl 2023: It was the worst of bowls and it was the worst of bowls. Except for the final score.

30 Saturday Dec 2023

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Kate Cassady, Columbia Missourian

It was like watching two superheavyweight Sumo wrestlers who’d been living on a diet of Kentucky Fried Chicken and could only vaguely paw at each other. It was like watching mold grow on bread. It was like watching the raptors chase the little kids in Jurassic Park (Missouri Quarterback Brady Cook was sacked six times) It was like watching the road gang clear weeds in Cool Hand Luke (thirteen penalties). It was the Futility Bowl, the Dreadful Bowl, the Boring Bowl, the Trench Warfare Bowl.

At the end of the third quarter, it was 3-0, Ohio State.

I had by then deserted the game. I missed the fourth quarter because I was watching our favorite ghost show, The Dead Files. And then I fell asleep. Luckily, Elizabeth woke me for the last three minutes of the game—Mizzou had done its damage by then, two touchdowns, but at least I got to see the game’s celebratory end. I slept the sleep of the Well-Satisfied If Slightly Guilty.

Here are the highlights, again, from the fourth quarter. Quarterback Brady Cook (#12) and the phenomenal but not-very-big running back Cody Schrader (*7) were the heroes, but it was the defense, which bent and bent and bent but did not break, who were probably just even more heroic.

Go, Tigers!

“Tipperary” makes up part of the Mizzou fight song.

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